


iMessage

by Asian_Aaron_Samuels



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Humor, Texting, ace!Jughead if you squint, basically Veronica is a Pussycat and BFF's with Cheryl and they're all queer, beronica, cherosie, if you don't talk to your friends like this you have the wrong friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 14:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10855917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asian_Aaron_Samuels/pseuds/Asian_Aaron_Samuels
Summary: AU where Veronica's car breaks down on her way to hang out with Cheryl and Melody. She calls for a tow and low and behold Betty Cooper is the young mechanic who saves the day.





	iMessage

**Author's Note:**

> I blame Eggsy for everything: my Hamilton obsession, my Heathers obsession, my (low) tolerance for Supergirl, why I cry alone at night clutching a 40 and listening to Tupak. Okay, that last part was a lie. I don't drink 40s, I have a low alcohol tolerance.
> 
> Anyways, this is pure crack. Like something that would've been snorted in the 80s pure crack.
> 
> Oh, and following iMessage format, the text aligned on the right is Veronica and Betty in their respective group chats.

To: Valyrian Steel, Cherry Cola, Mojo Jojo, Val Pal

 **iMessage**  
**Today** 2:16 PM

 

I really hate my life rn. 

 **Cherry Cola:** Is your teen angst bullshit why you're late?

 **Mojo Jojo:** What's wrong boo boo?

Mae West died. 

 **Val Pal:** Pretty sure she's been dedd for a while…

 **Valyrian Steel:** The immortalized blonde bombshell icon Mae West or your car Mae West? 

My car Mae West.

 **Cherry Cola:** My sympathies.

 **Val Pal:** Now it's almost mocking that your contact is "veroom vroom' if Mae West is dead.

Don't you dare, I love Veroom-vroom!

Plus my battery died, the body-ody-ody is still good.

 **Cherry Cola:** The real Mae West would be so proud, Veroom-vroom.

 **Mojo Jojo:** Call for a tow?

Yeah, apparently the mechanic or whatever just started their shift and they're  
going to be here in a little bit since they're coming from their house.

 **Val Pal:** That’s good then.

Truck just got here.

 **Cherry Cola:** Watch out, Ronnie. Your opal ring won't cut up his face if he ends up being a creeper, make a fist with your key sticking out.

 **Mojo Jojo:** Subtle.

 **Val Pal:** And overly paranoid.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Ignore her we watched Everly last night

 **Cherry Cola:** Don't say I didn’t try to help.

Oh my God, the mechanic isn't a creep. She's gorgeous and  
I want to hyphenate my name with her last name.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Nice

 **Mojo Jojo:** I call flower girl.

 **Val Pal:** Dibs on maid of honor. 

 **Mojo Jojo:** Shit wait I want maid of honor.

 **Cherry Cola:** As much as it pains me to say, we have to abide by the laws of dibs. 

 **Valyrian Steel:** Who's your new lady love? 

 **Mojo Jojo:** Spill. 

She's towing Mae right now. We're going back to the garage and I'm freaking out  
so much like I don't need a fancy wedding. Take us to the courthouse right now. 

 **Val Pal:** Doesn't Polly Cooper's sister work at a car shop? 

 **Cherry Cola:** Betti Spaghetti would be a grease monkey. 

 **Mojo Jojo:** Easy baby. That's V's fiancée you're talking about. 

Thank you Josie.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Ok bish but is it Betty cooper?? 

 **Valyrian Steel:** Inquiring minds would like to know

I think her patch had a b?

 **Val Pal:** Obvi it's Betty how many hot white girls work at the garage?

 **Cherry Cola:** Considering I don't work there, I guess it has to be Betty.

 **Mojo Jojo:** Baby you wouldn’t even have a nightmare about working in a body shop.

 **Cherry Cola:** Speaking of bodies…

 **Mojo Jojo:** I like where this conversation is going. 

**Valyrian Steel:** GET OFF GROUP CHAT GET OUT OF THE GROUP CHAT  
Attachment: 1 Image  


Val got it, it's Betty.

 **Cherry Cola:** Get your gay on, Salma.

Cheryl.

 **Cherry Cola:** Fine, get your bi on, whatever. This isn't the time for technicalities.

 **Val Pal:** Says the girl speling out every word. ;pppp

 **Cherry Cola:** You totally did that on purpose, Melody. I hate you.

 **Val Pal:**  
Attachment: 1 Image  
 

 **Val Pal:** Noah fence Ronnie but can someone help me with my chem homework?

GUYS SHE BIT HER LIP AND I'M DYING.

THIS IS WHAT FALLING IN LOVE FEELS LIKE.

I WANT TO SING YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT AND DRIVE OFF INTO THE SUN WITH HER.

 **Cherry Cola:** You have Whitehurst, right? What's the assignment on?

Pretty sure she's single.

 **Valyrian Steel:** She is

I caught her looking at me from the corner of my eye. This is true love ladies.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Omg god bless

I told her I named my car after Mae West and she told me "that's cute".  
She basically said I'm cute. So jot that down.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Veroom vroom. Is. Cute. Noted.

 **Val Pal:** I do it's on conversions.

 **Cherry Cola:** Oh that's easy, Mel. When Veronica comes over we'll swing by your place.

 **Valyrian Steel:** I'm at pop's bring your homework here. Downing a milkshake and doing a pper on the federalists papers

 **Val Pal:** Girl.

 **Mojo Jojo:** Girl.

 **Mojo Jojo:** Fuckit I'm doing it.  
Attachment: 1 Audio File

 _//How doe a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a_  
_Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten_  
_Spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor_  
_Grow up to be a hero and a scholar?//_

 **Val Pal:**  
Attachment: 1 Audio File 

 _//The ten dollar Founding Father without a father_  
_Got a lot farther by working a lot harder_  
_By being a lot smarter_  
_By being a self starter_  
_By fourteen, they placed him in charge of a trading charter//_

 **Valyrian Steel**  
Attachment: 1 Audio File 

 _//And everyday while slaves were being slaughtered and carted_  
_Away across the waves, he struggled and kept his guard up_  
_Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of_  
_The brother was ready to beg, steal, borrow, or barter//_

 **Cherry Cola:** This isn't fair, you know the only song I know is Helpless.

 **Val Pal:** Psst white girl…

 **Mojo Jojo:**  
Attachment: 1 Image  
 

 **Valyrian Steel:**  
Attachment: 1 Image   
 

 **Val Pal:**  
Attachment: 1 Image  


I AM HAVING A NICHOLAS SPARKS SOULMATE ENCOUNTER AND YOU  
GUYS ARE TURNING THIS INTO A MUSICAL/CHEMISTRY SESSION.  
Attachment: 1 Image   


**Val Pal:** Sweaty.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Excuse us not like you were active during this text for the last 10 minutes

 **Mojo Jojo:** Texting etiquette states we can change the subject.

 **Cherry Cola:** It's Article 32 Clause 17.

Omg nvrmind we got the toe garage.

*got to the garage

 **Today** 3:19 PM 

I think I just got asked out on a date to Pop's.

 **Cherry Cola:** I'm practically screaming in gay. 

 **Val Pal:** *screaming in gay*

 **Mojo Jojo:** SCREAMING IN GAY.

 **Valyrian Steel:** BI SCREECHING

 **Cherry Cola:** Omfg, "bi screeching", I'm done.

 **Mojo Jojo:** You're a pussycat, it should be "bii meowing".

 **Val Pal:** Hissing in bi??? Meowing is cute, screaming isn't. So maybe hissing??

Betty Beautiful Cooper asked me to go to Pop's on a date with her at 5:30 after her shift.

When Lin Manuel Miranda's son writes the musical about my life, make sure he knows  
that on November 8th, 2017 at 2:42 PM, in Riverdale, New York is when I fell in love.

 **Mojo Jojo:** Full offense, why am I not writing the musical??? 

Lin had help from the Roots. Pussycats are the Roots.

 **Mojo Jojo:** I can't tell if that's a subtly racist comment. 

 **Val Pal:** Table it. 

 **Mojo Jojo:** Valerie.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Tabled 

 **Cherry Cola:** Congratulations, Veronica. You have a date with Girl Next Door Barbie.

I'm going to let that slide because I'm in such a good mood.

 **Cherry Cola:** Oh, I'm full of good one liners when it comes to Third Cousin Cooper.

 **Val Pal:** I guess you and Ronnie aren't coming to pic me up then.

 **Cherry Cola:** Mel, I'll pick you up and we can go to Pop's and watch our little Veronica go on her first date.

We all know this isn't my first date jfc.

 **Valyrian Steel:** Don’t ruin this moment Ronnie were proud moms rn

 **Mojo Jojo:** I'm stuck at a youth outreach meeting. Fml take pictures.

 **Val Pal:** Obvi. ;p 

I regret ever being a pussycat. 

 **Valyrian Steel:** Your tunes gonna change the second you see the cute pics we take of you and Betty.

Wh'ever see you lovely ladies there.

 **Cherry Cola:** NO one start singing!

 **Val Pal:**  
Attachment: 1 Image  
  
 

* * *

 To: Not Kevin McCallister, Archeese Bald, Jug Doesn't Give Head Jones, Polly Pocket

 **iMessage**  
**Today** 3:57 PM

 

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHHMYOGOHMYGODOHMOYYOD 

 **Polly Pocket:** Omg what?!?!?!

 **Archeese Bald:** ??????

 **Not Kevin McCallister:** Betts what's going on?

 **Jug Doesn't Give Head Jones:** Pls don't leave us in suspense. 

Ok so I picked up this super cute girl at work today and I asked her out and  
now we're going to pops together and I'm so gay for her I can't.

 **Jug Doesn't Give Head Jones:** Congarts bets.

 **Jug Doesn't Give Head Jones:** *congrats

 **Polly Pocket:** Aaaahhhh I'm so happy for you Betty!!

 **Not Kevin McCallister:** Good for you Betty!!

 **Archeese Bald:**  
Attachment: 1 Image  
 

I have to change out of my work clothes bc I have a date with destiny no one text me while I have a Hallmark romance.

 **Today** 5:02 PM

 **Polly Pocket:** So who wants to go see Betty go on a date at pop's???

 **Jug Doesn't Give Head Jones:** Me.

 **Archeese Bald:** Me.

 **Not Kevin McCallister:** Got my dad's truck. Be outside your houses.now.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my little birdies! I hope you enjoyed my first Beronica fic. It was really weird writing in this format because it gave me sixth grade vibes when I used to write three page fanfics in this tiny journal half the height of a normal notebook about a self insert OC named Rai who fell in love with Gaara from Naruto and sang Jesse McCartney and had itty bitty titties. Like this is the style I used to write in, save for the texting aspect. I was obsessed with screen play style from the Quizilla fanfics I was reading at the time.
> 
> Also looking back, I never made it apparent that Melody and Valerie were together. Fuck my life. It's too late. This is the finished product. 
> 
> Buuut you didn't come here to listen to my war stories. If you need any clarification of the silly contact nicknames feel free to ask. And here's to Beronica becoming a thing. #riverdalestrong
> 
> All my love~  
> Robin


End file.
